Dear Dr. Love,
My life is a complete chaos. This is where my problem starts: my boyfriend and my best friend. Since fifth grade, my best friend has been the person I’ve trusted the most. She’s been unconditional and never has she left my side. About three years ago she had a crush on her boy-best friend and I actually think she had a crush on him too. Still, I disregarded this information when he started flirting with me about a year ago. He asked me on dates and at first, I was really nervous because I felt as if I was ‘back-stabbing’ my best friend, yet she told me their ‘thing’ didn’t mean anything that all they are is best friends. So, I decided to hang out with him more constantly, until one day we hooked up and one thing led to another until we became girlfriend and boyfriend. Of course, the first person to hear this news was my best friend and she actually seemed very happy. We’ve been in a relationship for ten months now, but the ‘friendship’ he has with my best friend is getting tighter by the minute. They hang out almost every day and it’s as if both of them were cheating on our relationships; I mean, it’s like she chooses him and he chooses her over me. I don’t know what to do, could it be that they’re actually in love and that he’ll eventually leave me for her? I really love both of them, but I think that if I confront them I’ll just end up losing them both. Please help me Dr. Love!
I completely understand your situation and comprehend that you must be feeling confused, sad, and angry at the same time. I see where all of these ideas are coming from, yet I also believe that most of them are just things your supposing. Lets analyze the situation one step at a time. After all of the years that you’ve been friends with your best friend, your trust has never been an issue, so if she says she’s okay with your relationship with your boyfriend, then I’m pretty sure she is. When humans fall in love a part of their brain is blocked from proper function, I’m not saying that you’re not thinking, I’m just saying that we tend to miss thinking straight. Ideas pop into our brains and we make up issues and scenarios that shouldn’t be there in the first place. Maybe this is what’s going on here. The moment you fell in love with your boyfriend a part of you created a sense of ownership, beginning with the actual fact that his is YOUR boyfriend, so you have all the right to get jealous. So, I’ll plant a new thing to think about; are you sure that their relationship has gotten stronger or haven’t you just simply fallen harder for him and that’s why now you’re feeling uncomfortable about their relationship?
I think that if you’ve been together for ten months now and your best friend has been your best friend for such a long time they won’t do anything that’ll harm you. Maybe your suppositions will someday become true, which is something I really don’t agree with, but it won’t happen until your relationship with your boyfriend is over. If their relationship gets extremely uncomfortable for you, I believe you should talk to both your best friend and your boyfriend and tell them what you’re feeling. After all, they’ve been part of your life for quite some time now and you must trust them very much. If you trust them both, you won’t loose them to a simple argument and you will feel much more relieved about the situation once you know there’s nothing to worry about.
I’m pretty sure things will come back to normal before you realize it. Until then just know I’ll always be here for you whenever you need advice or someone to talk to. If you decide to confront them, remember: it’s better to lose an argument to a person you love, than to lose a person you love to an argument.
Stay strong Jamie and take care, Dr. Love